Him and Him

A cellphone vibrated on the floor right next to the sofa. A hand lazily reached for it and opened it to see what it read. ‘Are you ready?’

The lying body groaned, and the fingers lazily wrote back, ‘Just woke up from my nap.’

He placed the phone back on the floor and turned his head to face towards the couch. The phone vibrated again. He brought the phone to his face, and it read, ‘Well, I’m on my way, so hurry up and get ready.’

He groaned again, and this time, he sat up from his position. He looked at the clock positioned high on the wall. It was almost the afternoon. He stretched out, feeling indifferent, then he remembered that his friend was going to pick him up. He became flustered, and his face started to grow red. He was glad that he was going to see his friend, but he was, at the same time, crestfallen. He sighed and decided to go to his room to change.

He changed into a more casual outfit because he was soon going to be at a party. He went back to the living room to find his phone vibrating on the floor. He picked it up and saw that it was his friend calling. He immediately picked up not knowing how long it was ringing for.

“Hello?” He asked to see if it really was his friend who called him.

“Hey! Why didn’t you pick up the first time I called?” A deep voice resonated through the phone.

He sighed. “I went to go change.”

“Alright then. Oh, by the way, I’m waiting for you in your driveway.” He heard his friend’s deep laughter, and he grew red all while he went to go look out the window to see if what he had said was true or not. Once his friend saw him looking out the window, the car honked. He just awkwardly waved at him.

“So are you ready?” The deep voice asked again.

“Just give me a moment,” he said back. He quickly went into his room to grab his shoes, and other necessities like his keys and wallet. He checked to see if he had enough money because usually what would happen was whenever it was time to go home, they would go get some fast food to eat.

A moment later he was out the door and in front of his friend’s car. He went to the passenger side and opened the door, earning a grin from his friend. He showed his own small smile and sat on the seat. He was quiet as he put on the seat belt, but his friend was still grinning at him.

He grew nervous. “What?”

His friend shook his head and shrugged. “Nothing, it was just that you’re looking really nice today," he said at first then he smirked, "Hoping to find someone at the party?”

He rolled his eyes. “I just thought I would wear some nice clothes, that’s all,” he said, hiding the real reason on why he picked to dress in fresh clothing.

He pulled out of the driveway and went onto the street all while giving constant glances to him. This time, he got a bit annoyed, “What do you want now?”

His friend pursed his lips. “You know you didn’t have to come.” They had already went over this a few days before, so his friend already knew what his reaction was going to be, so he spoke first before giving him the chance to speak. “but thanks for coming with me anyways.”

He became silent, not knowing how to react to what he had just said. “… No problem… and like I said before, I’ll be there to watch you so you won’t be doing anything dumb…”

His friend now had a mischievous smirk. “And what will those dumb things be?”

He grew nervous again. “W-well for starters… I’m not letting you drive until you are fully sober.”

“And what if I’m not?” His friend playfully argued.

“Then…then I’ll just have to drive you home myself.” He countered.

His friend cocked an eyebrow. “Even though you don’t have a license.”

“I-I’ll find a way.” He had become flushed, so he had his head turned to look out the side window.

“I’m just teasing you,” his friend finally said. “I won’t be doing anything that you wouldn’t like for me to do.”

He smiled at what he had said. “Thanks.”

“And to top it off,” he added, “I'll try to not leave your side tonight.”

His face was starting to heat up again. He became flattered but a bit confused. “W-why?”

His friend bellowed a laugh. “I invited you to this party, so I should give you company.” His face grew stern. “But that doesn’t mean I'll be the only person you're going to be talking to.”

So that was what he meant. He sighed and just nodded, sinking into his seat. He probably won’t be looking forward for the party, but he was going for his friend, so he had to try to be enthusiastic.

He stole glances at his friend to see how the other was dressed, and the clothes on his friend was really complimenting him.

His friend caught him staring at him from the corner of his eye, and a slight blush could be seen on his cheeks. He simply smiled before speaking, “Looks nice right? I thought I would wear this for tonight.”

He just nodded and tried to turn his focus back to outside of the car. The rest of the ride was in a comfortable silence. Silence before used to be awkward so small talk was forcced, but the more they hung out, the more it started to become comfortable.

They got to the house where the party was at. His friend parked the car and noticed that he was tense. “Hey, remember… I’ll be with you, so loosen up.”

He heard the chuckle and exhaled, trying to calm himself down. “I-I’ll try to have fun while I’m here.”

His friend smiled. “Now that’s the spirit, you ready?”

He melted at the smile and nodded with slight enthusiasm. Both of them got out of the car and before they rang the doorbell his friend whispered to him, “Let me know when you’re getting hungry.”

He was about to ask why, but the door opened and he was greeted by his friend who came to open the door.

In the first five minutes he was there, he greeted the people who he knew, and for those he didn't, his friend introduced him to them. Once they got somewhat settled, his friends gave him a beer and asked if he wanted one. He looked at him looking for some answer, and he gestured for him to give his answer. He refused the beer, and to his surprise, they didn’t mind. He looked at him again and saw a proud smile. He blushed and looked away.

He was quiet, but his friend was talking to the other people at the party. Eventually some girls that he knew found him and dragged him away to the living area so all of them could sit on couches. Some of them had come with their boyfriends, and the topics of conversation was about school and how they were doing, but it was mostly gossip. He laughed at some of their comments and they did the same when he input some of his own comments.

His friend saw that he was actually talking to people at the party, so he became glad. He didn’t notice that he was smiling until his friends pointed it out. They even asked what it was about, but when they looked in the direction he was looking at, they teased him about liking one of the girls. Most of the girls were taken already except for a few, so he humored them by saying that one of them was cute, leaving them to mull over on who he was talking about. He grinned as he took a sip from his bottle.

Some time later, liquor was brought, and the girls wanted to do shots. One of the girls took him by the hand and dragged him to the table where they were going to be doing the shots. He looked over to his friend, worried about what was happening.

He saw his worried look, and he also grew nervous. He wanted to stop the girls from giving him a shot, but he couldn't leave his friends because it’ll look a bit suspicious. But no one would really blame him. He grew depressed and continued to drink his beer, sorry for not being able to do anything for him.

He knew his friend saw what was happening, but his friend wasn't going to do anything about it, so he had to toughen up and take the shots. He wasn’t angry that his friend didn’t come to save him, he was just disappointed. The girls gave him a shot, and they all drank it at the same time. Once they were done with that one, they went for another round of shots.

His friend watched him take the shot and watched as they poured out another shot. At that moment, he didn't care anymore. He knew he didn't like alcohol very much, so he made his way towards him. A few of his friends smiled as he left because they knew exactly why he left. He was grateful that he came, but he didn't know what he could do. His friend told them that he was going to take the shots for him. Didn't explain why, but only said that he would.

The girls were a bit surprised, and a few of them gave each other knowing looks. Mischievous smirks could be seen and he wondered what they were up to. They agreed and gave him his shot, and all of them downed it. That repeated two more times until the fifth shot was being filled.

He was starting to feel the fuzziness from the first shot, and when he saw at how much he was drinking, he interfered. "Let me take this one."

His friend looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "But you don't like--"

He softly smiled at him. "That's fine." Then he gave him a look. "And remember, I'm here to make sure you don't too much since your going to be driving."

He sighed, giving in to him. "Okay." His cheeks were getting slightly more flushed. That could be the alcohol or something else entirely.

He took the shot and the girls happily followed. Once that was done, the girls were all giggling and decided to just settle around the table, not doing anymore shots.

A while later, His friends invited him to play some beer pong, but he refused after he gave him a quick look. They called him a party pooper before the some of girls stepped in, wanting to play against the guys. The girls wouldn't back down at the guys' taunts. They were having none of it, so in the end, it became girls versus boys.

As they cleared the table for beer pong, He grabbed him by the wrist and took him to go sit on one of the couches in the living area. Heat crept up his face as he was being led by the hand to the couches, then he made them sit next to each other. He never felt more subconscious that night than now. There was barely any space between them, and he could feel the heat radiating off of the other person. Once they were settled on the couch, he lifted his arm and placed it behind him on the back of the couch and he leaned back on the couch. He was becoming warmer than how he was earlier because it was probably the second shot he took taking effect. He began fidgeting in his seat.

Even though he had his eyes closed, he still noticed because of all of the movement he made. "Is something wrong?"

"N-nothing's wrong," he quickly stuttered out while subtly trying to move away from his friend because the longer he stayed close to him, the less he had control over his thoughts.

He noticed anyways and put some more space in between them. "You should've said something."

"Sorry..." He quietly said.

He chuckled. "Don't be. I should be the one that's sorry. I didn't mean to step into your personal space like that." Then he just sweetly smiled at him.

A blush crept up to his already pink cheeks, and he turned away, not wanting to indulge himself with that charming smile. Then he heard him talk again. "Did you have fun tonight?"

He turned to face him to see him still smiling. He became mesmerized by him. So it took him a minute to find his voice again. He became embarrassed because he didn't know how long he was staring at the other person, so he just nodded.

That smile never left his face. "That's good." Then he brought his hand to rub the back of his neck. He was becoming embarrassed. “You really didn't have to do that for me.”

He just shrugged. "I know, but... you did it for me, so I wanted to return the favor."

He was stunned then softly smiled at him again. "Thanks."

"No problem..." He turned to look at the floor not wanting to put his full attention onto his face, but he could still see him in his peripherals.

He watched him lean back on the couch from the corner of his eyes as he tried hard to concentrate on the floor in front of him. And evidently, he was horribly failing. He was becoming nervous because the longer he was looking at the other person, the more he wanted to do something that he knew he would regret.

He noticed him fidgeting again. "Ready to leave?" He asked not bothering to open his eyes. "I just came here to hang out for a bit."

He froze not knowing what to say. He didn't want their time together to end just yet.

When he didn't hear an answer, he opened his eyes and saw that sad look on his face. The one that he came to recognize as the face that he still wanted to hang out some more. "We're still going to hang out after. Did you forget?"

He did. "Yeah... I just remembered..." He felt a bit shameful because he actually forgot about their tradition.

"Wait at the car, alright?" He smiled at him. "Let me go say bye to my friends."

He nodded as his friend went to go say farewell to some the people there. They became sad that he was leaving so soon, but they were understanding since he had brought a guest over. His friend was out of the house and saw that he was on the phone leaning up against the car.

He had a few missed calls from his parents and after the calls there were text messages asking where he was. He messaged back to them, mentioning that he was out with his friend, and he'll be home later. They told him to be careful and to not get home so late. The sun had already set, so if they were going to be hanging out, he would probably be home right on the edge of curfew, or the time his parents would like him to be home.

His friend was coming towards him, and he put his phone away. The car became unlocked, so he got inside of it and sat down. He felt a bit uneasy even though this has been a thing they had been doing for the past few months.

His friend also got in the car and started it up. He drove without telling him where they were going. They were silent as he was getting on the freeway. He never noticed it, but he never looked away from him when he entered the car as he dozed off during the ride.

He got them to the place, but his head was still tilted to the left. He unbuckled the seat belt then shook him lightly. “Hey, we’re here.”

He heard his friend’s voice and thought that it was a dream until he was nudged a second time. His eyes opened wide to see his friend staring right at him. He grew embarrassed and lowered his head. “I’m sorry.”

He was caught off guard with the apology, but he smiled nonetheless. "C'mon, you must be hungry."

He didn’t notice it until now that he pretty hungry. He looked in front of the car, and they were in front of a peculiar sushi bar. "You took us here?"

His friend simply shrugged. “Why not? It wasn't too far away.” But, really, it was on the opposite of the city. He just sighed as he told him, “let’s go inside.”

He pursed his lips as he got out of the car. It was surprising that they were coming here to eat instead of going to a fast food joint they would usually go to. They entered the restaurant, and several people were also there. He grew self-conscious. They were greeted by a young woman and were escorted to one of the booths by the wall. They started off with drinks first then they were given a menu.

They got settled and he felt it was a good time to ask him something that was confusing him. "I thought you never tried sushi before?"

The question took his friend by surprised, and he became nervous. " Oh... well... it's because the last time we talked about sushi you kept telling me how good it was." He was scratching his cheek now. "And... uh... since you keep mentioning this restaurant, I thought this place would be a good place to start..."

"You should've brought someone else with you." He said while just looking down, forcing himself to focus onto the menu. He immediately regretted what he said, so he tried to explain himself. "I-I mean... Wouldn't you have a better time if you brought someone else?" That didn't sound any better.

He became disheartened. "I really like your company," he confessed with a sigh. "And I thought you'd appreciate coming here." He seemed tired.

He felt bad for doubting that his friend actually liked his company. He really didn't expect for him to take them to eat at a restaurant or at this one in particular. He just thought that telling him about this place would make him bring someone with him to try this place out, but he didn't think that person would ever be him. He put his head down in shame.

There was tension in the air, and he thought of a way to lessen it or maybe make it gone. He gave him his full attention. "Hey, what's good on the menu?"

He looked up to see him smiling at him as if what happened a few minutes ago didn't happen at all. He was thankful for that. He told him what he usually got and what was popular and what would be good for a newbie like him.

The waitress came back to take their order, and his friend ordered a few of the rolls that he had suggested, even his favorite one. Once the waitress finished taking their order and took away the menu, he realized something important. He didn't bring enough money to pay for himself.

Apparently he saw the panicked look on his face. He reached over the table to grab his attention. "It's okay. You don't have to worry about paying for tonight. I got you."

He became surprised. He was grateful that his friend was going to pay for him, but he feels like he's mooching off of him. He lowered his head and just whispered a small, “thanks.”

He tapped on the table to get his attention before bringing back his hand. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

He just looked at him and nodded. He became a bit nervous now. He's not very used to him being like this. Being so attentive to him. But to be honest, he kind of likes it.

When the waitress came, she broke the tension with her presence as she brought the first few things they had ordered. He watched his friend and he was clearly nervous. He pursed him lips and got a piece of one of the sushi rolls and placed it onto his plate. He gave him a reassuring smile, and he nodded. He ate the roll and found that it was better than he thought it would be. Once he saw that his friend enjoyed his first piece of sushi, he smiled at him.

He saw that smile and looked away. He could feel his cheeks becoming flush. "I-it's pretty good."

The smile stayed on his face as he shook his head. "I don't know why it took you so long to try out sushi, or sushi rolls, for that matter. You brag so much about how you eat rare steak and how it's so good when I told you I like my steaks well done."

The tension in the air seemed to have disappeared. Once he was done swallowing the food in his mouth, he began refuting, "who eats well done steak?"

He glared at him. "Apparently, I do. And who hasn't tried sushi?"

"Apparently I haven't," he talked back to him. The both of them glared at each other before bursting into laughter. It's been a while since they were like this. They were no longer walking on eggshells around each other. Maybe it was the alcohol that was in their system, or something else. Whatever it was didn't last long when they looked at each other again. They noticed each other's smile and respectively looked away from each other.

He cleared his throat to get his attention and he saw a grin before he began eating again. Soon the conversation would go like always and become about school, home, and work and the usual banter. Then a question popped up that he didn't expect for him to ask. "How were you like when you were little?"

He was stunned for a sec. "Uh..." He didn't know how to answer or what to answer with. When they talk, it would usually be superficial things. So asking about his past was a step he didn't know was possible between them.

When there he wasn’t giving him an answer and a perplexed expression showed on his face, he began to regret asking him that question. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

He became surprised the tone his friend had said it in. "No. I was just caught off guard... that's all." He gave him a reassuring smile. "I don't really know how to explain it. But I guess I didn't really change? I just became much quieter." He looked at him listening intently to him. "Oh! I definitely became much lazier."

He chuckled. "I could definitely see that." He gave him a glare then he just shrugged it off before saying, "though, I like it when you talk." while giving him a soft smile.

He just stared at him, cheeks becoming rosy. Because of the flattery a stray thought came to mind. 'Was this a date?' He became self-conscious again.

He saw a panicked expression cross his face, and he grew worried. "Is everything okay?"

He managed to stutter out a nod. But thoughts bombarded his head as well as the doubt and insecurities he always had. Could this mean more? Of course not they're only friends. Well, he did want to know more about him. What if this was just a trial run for another date. He took him here just to see if the food here is good so he could bring someone else next time. He was beginning to hyperventilate.

He became extremely concerned now. Luckily his hand was already on the table, so he reached over to grab his hand. "It's okay," he said in a calming tone, "just breathe with me." And he did. His hand being held grounded him for him to hear his friend give him breathing instructions.

When he was finally able to calm down, he saw the concerned look on his face, and he also noticed how tightly his hand was held. It wasn't bone crushing, but just tight enough. It was comforting, and he felt grounded holding his hand.

He saw him looking at their hands, and he jerked his away and held it as if he was burned. "Sorry." Then he looked at him "Are you okay, now?"

Not wanting to hear how weak his voice would be, he just nodded.

There was a sigh of relief coming from his friend. "That's good."

He sat there watching him. Not wanting to think anymore, he just blurted the question that popped into his head. "How did you know to do that?" His voice was small.

He grew a bit embarrassed. "Well... you know that class we shared? You had a panic attack in there, and I just copied what your friend did for you." Then he realized something. "But even your friend had to take you out into the hall before back coming inside."

He nodded again, looking at his hand now. "Yeah... it just took longer for her..." A thought came to mind. "How did you know about the breathing exercise?"

He grew increasingly embarrassed. "I... after that incident, I researched about panic attacks." He looked at him with a bit of disbelief. "I mean... I want to be able to help if anyone else has one." He tried to play it off.

That wasn't what he meant to be taken by his look, but as he was about to say something, the waitress came with their last batch of orders. He was both relieved and irritated that food came to interrupt the moment.

The awkwardness was growing between the two of them as they continued to eat in silence. He looked up at him and saw that he was also looking at him. They shared eye contact for a second before ducking to eat again.

It was peculiar on how they met. It was by chance and through another type of gathering. He usually avoids things like this, but his friends insisted he come out for this one and that's where he met him. They were introduced through from a friend of a friend. Once they had met, their chances of meeting at school became increasingly more. Since they were seeing more and more of each other he suggested for them to start hanging out. He could've said no at any time, but he was already slightly harboring feelings so he didn't think about it. It's been a year since then and they've been friends. But tonight was different for the both of them, and they could feel it.

Another glance up at him, and he saw a sad expression on his face. "Is something wrong?"

He looked up and saw the worried expression. "Nothing's wrong."

He tried to make light of the situation. "Did you not like that piece?"

"Isn't this one your favorite?" He grinned up at him.

Insulted, he placed a hand over his chest. "How dare you, it's the best!"

He laughs, and that made him feel accomplished. The tension in the air disappeared and the both of them were smiling at each other. The both of them continued to eat while conversing about what they did that week.

Once they were finished, he forgot that he didn't bring enough money to help pay for half. He noticed the slight panic and took attention to it. "I told you, I got it." And not to sound too generous, "but you'll get me next time." He said with a wink.

The wink got him starstruck, and he just nodded, feeling his face flush. "Yeah, next time." Though that's what they usually do. They'd pay for each other's meals on 'whims,' and tell each other that they'll get each other next time. It was something that they did without needing to ask.

"Alright, you ready to go home?" His voice brought him out of his trance. He never wanted to go home whenever he was with him. He saw that expression on his face and knew, so he smiled. "Do you wanna go get some dessert?" That caught him by surprised. He began to regret his suggestion. "I mean unless you're too full."

He quickly caught himself. "No, yeah, I could go for some dessert." He was becoming flustered.

The smile was back on his face. "Then I know just the place. C'mon let's go."

He nodded and followed him out into his car. "So where are we going?"

"It's a secret." He smirked at him and placed a finger on his lips.

He rolled his eyes. Whatever it was it better be worth it. But by the time he had to wonder he drove up to a McDonald's drive-thru. He lit up and smiled at his friend. He got them both vanilla cones, and he was smiling the whole time. He felt a bit childish when he was handed the cone, but he took it with grace and started on it.

"You know what just to get, don't you?" He teased him. It wasn't a secret to him that that ice cream was a guilty pleasure of his, but he still appreciated it whenever he was given one by him.

He looked at him and saw that widely smiling face. It took a second longer for him to respond. "Well, I know that's what you like, so that's one thing." He continued to smile at him. He was growing nervous. "Did you have fun tonight?"

"I did." He didn't have to think about it at all. Time with him was always worth it. "I'm glad I was able to come out." Then a thought came up in his head.

He began to fidget, and he noticed. "What's wrong? If it's about earlier, I'm sorry I wasn't there to stop the first shot."

"No, it's not that." He reassured him. "I'm sorry about the panic attack."

"It happens." He shrugged it off. A beat. "Can I ask you what you were panicking about?"

He froze. He didn't know how to respond to the question. "I... uh..."

A small smile appeared on his face. "It's okay, you don't have to answer."

He nodded and hoped that he saw. He was grateful for not being pressured to answer, but he had a question of his own. "Do you really think I'm good company?"

Taken surprised by his answer, he just answered honestly. "Yeah, you are. You're a pretty cool guy and fun person to be around."

Doubt was overtaking him. "Even if I have panic attacks?"

"Actually," there was nervousness in his voice, "I researched panic attacks because of you. Figured I would want know how to deal with them as long as I hang out with you."

So that was it. "Ah, I see..." He was becoming dejected.

He could tell he was feeling bad, so he blurted out whatever was on his mind. "It's not a problem. I care about you, so I want to know what I could do to help."

He was shocked. He didn't think his friend would go that far to hang out with him. "Thanks..." Another question popped up into his head. "So why did you take me out to that place? You could've taken anybody else. It could've been a date with you and someone else." There was no more stopping him at this point. "Was this a test run so the next time you'll know what to order with someone else?" His hands were shaking, and he was hyperventilating. Good thing he was finished with his ice cream by then.

In the next moment, he felt his hand being gripped tightly. He looked up and saw fearful eyes on him. "Just breathe with me," his deep voice told him, and he listened and followed, breathing in, holding it, then breathing out.

When he regained his vision and focus, he noticed that they were outside of his house. He didn't know when that had happened. He felt disorientated then he heard his voice again. "So was that what you were panicking about?" He stared into those scared eyes, and felt guilty. He nodded. "You should've said something."

He grew confused, not having the strength or courage to talk. He just looked up at him.

"Because it was supposed to be meant as a date..." He grew nervous and took a hand to rub the back of his neck. "This wasn't all that planned out as exactly on how I thought it would go. I blame the alcohol." He said with a grin. "I've like you for a while now. And I wanted to do something special for you."

Finally registering and recollecting his thoughts. He swallowed. "So you took me to my favorite place and treated me out." He nodded. "Because you like me." He nodded again, nervous of what the other would say.

"If you don't feel the same, I get it." He breathed in deeply. "I just hope we can still be friends after."

He couldn't believe himself. Here he thought he was the one with the crush. He was speechless.

Apparently he took silence as his answer. "I see... well, we're here." He gestured to his house, but he didn't make a move.

He looked over to his house and then to the dejected look on his friend's face. "When you said that you cared about me, you meant you liked me." He gave a nervous nod. "So when you said you researched panic attacks, you really meant it when you said it was for me." Another nod. "So you really like me..." He said that more to himself.

Growing frustrated, he lashed out. "Yes, I like you, now what are you getting at?!"

He simply stared at his charming face and gulped. "I like you too." Now it was his turn to become confused. "I've always liked you. Ever since we met. That's why I've always said yes when you first asked me to hang out. You know me enough by now that I would’ve said no at your first request, but because I liked you when we first met, I agreed to hang out with you."

He smiled at him. “Yeah, you probably would have.” Then he gave out a thoughtful sound. "Huh… So we both like each other."

"Apparently so." He smiled at him, feeling flushed but this time he didn't mind. The both of them stared at each other for a minute before it became too much for them.

"So do you think we should start dating?" he asked him.

He smirked, "I thought we already were." And there was a wink.

He knew he was just teasing him, but he couldn't help but blush at the idea that they were already going out before. All of those hang outs can be technically called dates if people looked at it that way. Did they look it at that way? Was that the reason why no one really called them out on it? He was beginning to panic again.

He took noticed and placed a hand onto his shoulders. "Hey, it's going to be okay." He reassured him. "Tell me what you're thinking about?"

The contact grounded him and he looked up at his worried eyes. "What if people thought we were already dating?"

He sweetly smiled at him. "Then it'd be easier to just go out on a date without having to find an excuse. Like going to a party."

He nodded, becoming bashful, but doubt was still in him. "But what would other people think?"

"Who cares." He shrugged. "Let them think all they want. All I care is that if you're okay with this." His earnest eyes were staring at him, making him feel small. "You are okay with this, right?”

He didn't really expect any of this to happen, not on a day like this, and so suddenly too. But it was taking him too long to get an answer out, so he took the silence as his response. “If not we can always just stay as friends." He sounded so dejected.

“I know this is all so sudden but now just felt like the right time to tell you how much you mean to me.” He was shocked by his own words and he tried to back track. “I mean we can just do the usual until you feel ready to take that step forward.”

He felt bad after hearing what he had just said. So he used his hand to clasp it on his before interlocking them together. He was more than okay. This was what he wanted, but he just never entertained the thought. It was an impossible dream for him until now.

He looked at him and saw that worried expression. He softly smiled growing a bit embarrassed by his bold move. "I'm okay with this. But… It might take me a while getting used to us…" He gestured to their interlocked fingers. It felt weird having his hand held like this. His bigger hand holding onto his smaller fingers, but it was something he could definitely get used to.

He let out a desperate chuckle. "I was worried there." He showed a warm smile to him and lightly tighten his grip on their hands. "We’ll take this slow."

He was feeling warm again, and it's no longer because of the alcohol. He was being so considerate of him, but he was a bit tired of going slow, they’ve been going slow pretty much for the past year. So still having the boldness in him, he reached over and kissed him. It was a sweet and chaste before going back into his seat. And then he was back to being timid and bashful.

He blinked in surprise then grinned. “Or not.” He unlocked their hands and brought his own hand to caress the side of his jaw. Now he was the one to cross over to give him a kiss, a deeper and fuller kiss.

When they were done kissing, his brain was fried and his face was completely flushed. It wasn’t as if he didn’t like it, but it was just so much more than he had expected. He saw this and chuckled. “Too much?”

When he couldn’t find it in his voice to respond, he nodded instead. Maybe going slow wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Once he regained his composure and found his voice again, he couldn’t help but ask, “When did you start thinking about dating me?”

He raised an eyebrow at him. “I guess I started when I was beginning to realize I liked you. After that, I couldn’t get you out of my mind.” He felt embarrassed for basically confessing that he had as bad of a crush on him as he did on him. “What about you? Have you ever thought about us being together?”

“Honestly, no, I didn’t.” There was a look of contempt on his face. “I mean, I did, but I just didn’t want to be too hopeful. Because compare you to me, and me to other people. I believed this would never happen.”

There was his charming smile. “Well, I’m glad I could prove you wrong.” He couldn’t help but smile back at him. “Hey, how about tomorrow? We’re both off and there’s really no need for an excuse for us to ‘hang out.’ I mean for us to go on a date.” Even he was bashful when it came to admitting that they were both official now.

He was nervous but excited at the same time. “Yeah, I’d like that.” Looking at his reassuring smile there really wasn’t anymore doubt in him at this point.

“Great! Then I’ll pick you up at three because I know how you like to sleep in on weekends.” He had a wide grin on his face. He was about to refute about sleeping in, but it was true that he did, and even he remembered that about him. He felt himself become warm again because he took the time to get to know him before asking him out. And even he got to know him more as well.

He had a huge grin on his face now, and he found it suspicious. “What is it? Am I being too excited?”

“No, it’s not that.” He clarified. “It’s just that we really were going on dates before actually making it official. We got to learn a lot about each while we were just ‘hanging out’ that we know each other enough to tell if something’s up.”

He smiled at that. “Yeah, you’re right. And I’d like to get to know you even more if you don’t mind.”

“I really don’t.” The both of them shared a smile. “Tomorrow at three right?” He nodded before he opened the car door. And before he closed it, he told him. “I’m excited to seeing you tomorrow.” His smile widened and his eyes sparkled. The both of them waved each other goodbye, and he was off into his home.

His heart was all aflutter, and he was just gleaming with joy. He entered his house to find it quiet with sleeping parents, so he quietly went to his room. After he closed his door, he changed into comfortable clothing and lied on his bed. He was still very giddy from what had happened that night. He stopped to think. How he was currently acting wasn’t him, or that’s what he thought at least. He was supposed to be more reserved and confident, but he showed how anxious and vulnerable he really was to him, but there was no regret. If anyone was to find out about his anxiety then he would rather it be him than any other person. He really had no more reason to put up his guard up around his friend anymore, or rather his boyfriend. His face heated up and he dug his head into his pillow. His boyfriend… Was this even reality anymore? Did they crash and burn when he was asleep in the car, and was this the place beyond death?

His phone buzzed on his nightstand and he checked it. It was from him, ‘Can’t wait for tomorrow.’ He couldn’t wait for tomorrow to come either. He just couldn’t.